By Joy Aideyan
Break up. Make up. Fight. Forgive. Repeat.
If this sounds familiar, you may be in a classic rollercoaster relationship—an emotionally intense, on-again, off-again dynamic that can feel as exhilarating as it is exhausting. While it’s easy to romanticize the passion, the unpredictability can leave you drained and unsure whether to hold on or finally let go.
So, how do you know if your turbulent relationship is just going through natural growing pains—or if it’s a toxic cycle that’s better left in the past?
The Push-Pull Cycle: Why We Stay in Up-and-Down Relationships
On-again, off-again relationships are more common than many think. According to research, nearly 60% of adults have experienced a breakup and later gotten back together with the same partner. The reasons vary: love, hope, shared history, or the belief that “this time will be different.”
In many cases, couples stay caught in a loop of breaking up and reuniting due to emotional attachment, fear of being alone, or unresolved issues that never get fully addressed. These relationships can feel addictive—each reunion offering a rush of relief and connection that temporarily masks deeper problems.
Dr. Amaka Ojo, a relationship therapist, explains:
“What people often confuse for passion is actually instability. The highs feel incredibly high because the lows are so devastating. That kind of intensity isn’t always sustainable—or healthy.”
Signs Your Relationship Might Be Worth Saving
Despite the drama, not all rollercoaster relationships are doomed. Some couples are genuinely trying to grow, but struggle with timing, communication, or emotional baggage. Here are some signs your relationship might be worth a second (or third) chance:
-
You both recognize the patterns and are willing to work through them, not just ignore or excuse them.
-
There’s mutual effort, not just one person doing the emotional heavy lifting.
-
You fight to resolve issues, not just to win arguments or punish each other.
-
Growth is happening, even if slowly—such as improved communication, respect, and accountability.
-
You still genuinely enjoy each other’s company outside the conflict.
If both partners are committed to healing and change—and you’ve taken the time apart to reflect and grow independently—reuniting might lead to a more stable future.
Red Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore
On the other hand, if your relationship keeps crashing for the same reasons, it’s a signal that something deeper needs to be addressed—or left behind.
You may want to rethink continuing the cycle if:
-
You’re always anxious, insecure, or emotionally drained.
-
Fights become abusive—emotionally, verbally, or physically.
-
There’s no real accountability, just repeated apologies and empty promises.
-
You feel stuck in a pattern, not moving forward as individuals or as a couple.
-
You keep getting back together out of loneliness, guilt, or fear—not love.
Love alone isn’t enough to make a relationship work. Stability, trust, and emotional maturity are essential for long-term success.
Breaking the Cycle or Building a Future?
If you’re in a rollercoaster relationship, it’s important to step back and ask yourself: Is this relationship helping me become a better version of myself—or pulling me away from who I want to be?
Sometimes the bravest choice is not fighting to keep the relationship alive, but choosing to heal and grow on your own. Other times, with the right support—therapy, communication, maturity—it’s possible to rebuild something more solid.
Whatever you decide, make sure the decision is based on clarity, not chaos.
Final Thought:
Rollercoasters are thrilling, but they’re designed to end where they started. Real relationships should take you somewhere—toward growth, peace, and mutual respect. If yours isn’t doing that, it may be time to get off the ride.
