By Owie Aideyan
The Vanishing Forever — A Look at Then and Now
Once upon a time, love wasn’t measured by Instagram likes, fancy weddings, or anniversary hashtags.
It was measured by endurance — by how much two people could hold on when life pulled them apart.
Our parents and grandparents lived in a world where marriage meant commitment, not convenience. They didn’t marry for aesthetics, validation, or status. They married for purpose, partnership, and family.
Today, however, marriage has become fragile — easily entered, easily exited. Divorce rates are climbing worldwide, and relationships crumble faster than they begin. Many wonder what went wrong. How did we move from lifelong unions to “temporary arrangements”?
The answer lies not in love itself but in how love is practiced.
Our generation has redefined relationships — for better and for worse. We crave affection but fear sacrifice. We want loyalty but avoid accountability. We chase excitement but lack endurance.
For our parents, love was not an emotion to feel; it was a duty to uphold. For many of us, it has become the opposite — something that must always feel good to continue. And when it doesn’t, we walk away.
What Held Our Parents Together
1. Commitment Was Sacred, Not Conditional
In our parents’ era, when two people said “I do,” it wasn’t just a vow — it was a covenant. They saw marriage as a lifelong bond, not an optional chapter. Divorce was the last resort, not the first thought when things got hard.
They believed in fixing what was broken, not replacing it.
Couples stayed because they understood that love is not sustained by perfection but by perseverance.
2. Community and Family Were Anchors
Marriage back then wasn’t an isolated affair between two individuals. It was a union of families, communities, and traditions. Elders often mediated conflicts and guided couples through tough seasons.
Today, many couples face their storms alone — or worse, with social media as their counselor. Our generation is more individualistic, and when challenges arise, we often retreat into silence or seek validation from outsiders rather than solutions from within.
3. Simplicity Strengthened Bonds
Our parents built love around simple joys: shared meals, evening walks, prayers, and laughter. Life was slower, communication was direct, and affection was practical.
Now, the modern world is noisy — filled with distractions, unrealistic expectations, and endless comparisons. Technology has made connection easier but intimacy harder. We talk more, yet understand less.
Why Divorce Is Rampant Today
1. Unrealistic Expectations of Love
Many of today’s relationships are built on fantasies — the belief that love should always be thrilling, effortless, and free of discomfort. The moment the excitement fades, people assume the love has too.
But lasting love is not constant passion; it’s consistent effort. Our generation often confuses being “in love” with “staying in love.”
2. The Rise of Independence Over Interdependence
While independence is empowering, many have mistaken it for isolation. In trying to prove self-sufficiency, we’ve forgotten that marriage is a partnership — two people walking side by side, not one ahead of the other.
Our parents leaned on each other; they didn’t compete. Today, ego often replaces empathy, and pride stands where patience should.
3. Infidelity and the Distraction Culture
With endless access to temptation — social media flirtations, dating apps, and pornography — fidelity has become harder for many to uphold. What was once considered sacred is now treated casually.
Cheating used to be a shameful act that destroyed trust and reputation; now, for some, it’s just “a mistake” to be justified. The moral compass has shifted, and commitment has lost its weight.
4. The Decline of Spiritual and Moral Foundations
In many families of the past, marriage was rooted in faith, prayer, and shared values. God, tradition, and family elders provided moral guidance and accountability.
Today’s generation often sees marriage as a personal experiment rather than a divine covenant. Without a spiritual anchor, relationships drift easily in the winds of emotion and circumstance.
The Lost Art of Patience and Communication
1. Lack of Patience
Our generation lives in a fast-paced, on-demand world. We want instant results — in career, success, and love. When relationships don’t progress as quickly or smoothly as expected, we quit.
Our parents endured seasons of lack, sickness, and misunderstanding — not because they enjoyed pain, but because they understood that storms are part of every journey.
2. Communication Has Turned Digital, Not Emotional
Back then, couples spoke face to face, not phone to phone. They argued, reconciled, and learned to listen. Today, we text our feelings, post our frustrations, and ghost when hurt.
True communication — vulnerable, honest, patient — has been replaced by passive-aggressive silence or online rants. No relationship can thrive in such an environment.
3. The Fear of Submitting or Leading
Many modern couples struggle with the concept of roles — not because equality is wrong, but because balance has been lost. Marriage is not about domination or submission; it’s about harmony.
Our parents understood that respect and partnership go hand in hand. Today, many couples battle for control instead of fighting for understanding.
Lessons from Yesterday, Hope for Tomorrow
So, why did our parents and grandparents stay together while many modern marriages fall apart?
Because they chose love daily — even when it was difficult. They didn’t just find love; they built it.
They understood that love is not about constant happiness but shared growth. They knew that two imperfect people could create something beautiful if they refused to give up.
However, not everything from the past should be romanticized. Some marriages endured silent suffering — domestic abuse, gender inequality, or emotional neglect — simply because society offered no alternative. Today’s freedom to walk away from harm is progress, not weakness.
Still, the wisdom of the old remains golden:
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Forgiveness is stronger than pride.
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Communication heals faster than silence.
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Patience outlasts passion.
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And true love is not found; it is forged.
If today’s generation can blend the endurance of the past with the awareness of the present — valuing both commitment and self-respect — then marriages can last again.
Because forever is not lost. It simply needs to be redefined, rebuilt, and rooted once more — straight from the heart. ❤️
