Things women say that make men feel insecure

Things women say that make men feel insecure

Relationship dynamics can be complex, but what we say and how we say it can have a huge impact on how our partner feels. While most concepts are universal, men and women still have some differences when it comes to being triggered by certain phrases. What may seem like an innocent comment can actually make a man feel insecure.

You’re just jealous”"You're just jealous"

You’re also implying that he has the ‘wrong feelings’ for you. If jealousy is indeed present, it’s important to talk about it constructively, show some love, and offer your partner reassurance.

“Are you even listening?”"Are you even listening?"

Telling a man he doesn’t know how to listen is pretty common. Sure, sometimes you just want to be listened to and for your partner to empathize with your experience. But then you get annoyed when he tries to come up with solutions.That’s just how men’s brains work. They listen to your problem and try to fix it. Telling them they are not listening will make them feel like you’re just ungrateful and condemning. After all, they are listening and trying to help. Instead, specifically tell them that you just want them to listen.

“You’re not doing it right (in the bedroom)”"If I wasn’t with you, I'd be able to…"

Men are competitive and like to perform well. To put their sexual performance into cause can really make them feel insecure, and indeed hurt them.There are other ways you can do this, rather than pointing out something they’re doing “wrong.” Instead, tell him what you like and how you like it. More often than not, your man will be happy to please you. Encourage him to be the best lover he can be, and you might just get what you wish for!

“If I wasn’t with you, I’d be able to…”"If I wasn’t with you, I'd be able to…"

If you’re missing out on something that important, that you feel your partner is holding you back, then perhaps you shouldn’t be in a relationship. Or, at least, not with that person.Blaming it on your partner is not nice. He doesn’t want to hold you back, and resenting him for missing out on something will make him doubt himself, and indeed the relationship.

“Be a man”
"Be a man"

Nothing is more emasculating for a man than being told to be a man. What does that even mean, really? Well, what you’re doing is basically telling him that he doesn’t measure up to whatever standards of masculinity you have. Men will likely respond by shutting down and avoiding communicating when they’re put in this position. Putting a man’s manhood into question is not just a stab to the ego—you’re making him insecure about who and what he is. Instead of making him accountable to some vague standards of masculinity, tell him what you expect from him.

“You’re all the same”"You're all the same"

Comparing your partner to other men will make him feel like he’s got nothing going for him. That, like the others, he’s a disappointment to you. This is truly frustrating for a man, as he feels that, regardless of who he is or does, he’ll never live up to your standards. Sure, you may have been burned in past relationships, but blaming it on men in general, including your current partner, won’t do your relationship any favors. Comparing the behavior of other men with the one you’re with now is just generalizing a human being who has unique traits. If you’re unhappy about something, discuss that point in particular, and don’t make a blank statement about men.

“You call/text too much”"You call/text too much"

Telling your partner that he calls or texts too much is basically saying that he’s a bit needy and clingy. Plus, it makes him insecure about how much you love him. No two people are the same when it comes to how often they like to be in touch, but this can be discussed earlier in the relationship in order to manage expectations. You may not like to be constantly in touch, but that doesn’t mean the other person feels the same way, so don’t expect him to match your communication standards without discussing it first.

“Compared to others, you’re…”"Compared to others, you're…"

Comparing a man to other men is never a good idea. Surely women also don’t like to be compared to other women either. But men do have a competitive edge that will make them doubt themselves and feel even more insecure. If you want to compare your partner to other men, do so when you talk to your friends, not to him directly.

“You never do anything right”"You never do anything right"

This is a mean thing to say to anyone, let alone the man you’re in a relationship with. Who likes to be told everything they do is wrong? How secure could a man possibly feel after he’s put into question like this, right?Instead of lashing out, try being accountable for your own feelings, and not blaming it on the person you’re with. You can use a simple formula to do this, starting with a reference to your feelings and emotions. E.g. “I feel x when y happens.”

“You should be making more money”"You should be making more money"

Not only will this statement make a man feel insecure, but it will also make you come across as a bit of a greedy gold digger. If you believe your partner has the potential to earn more money, then encourage him to do so, and back him up on his decisions. But by focusing on how much dough he brings home, you’re just being selfish and making him feel insecure and incompetent.

“Let me ask my dad to fix this (or for advice on something)”"Let me ask my dad to fix this (or for advice on something)"

“Don’t you trust the man you’re with?” “Why do you defer to the ‘other’ man in your life when something needs to be done?” These are all questions that will go through a man’s head when you do this.This will likely trigger feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. After all, why would you choose to go to your father instead of your partner, right? Refer to your partner first, and then you can both escalate the request for help, if needed.

“My guy friend is awesome”"My guy friend is awesome"

As mature a couple as you may be, your partner will likely feel like he has to compete with your guy friend somehow. It’s important to reassure him that there is only friendship between you two, and that your partner is truly loved and admired for who he is. It’s absolutely fine to have guy friends, but when you’re constantly talking about how amazing your bestie is, and are spending more time with him than with your partner, it’s normal that he will feel insecure about the relationship.

“Maybe we should just break up”"Maybe we should just break up"

Bringing up the possibility of the end of a relationship is not healthy. Men will feel insecure about it, because, to be fair, why would you even mention it so often every time there’s an argument? Plus, this may sound like an ultimatum, and who likes ultimatums, really? The threat of a breakup is a toxic behavior that should be avoided. Try to refrain from it, unless you are seriously considering it.

“My ex…”
"My ex…"

These words should be removed from your vocabulary. Comparing men to other men is pretty bad, but making reference and comparing them to an ex is even worse. As open and mature as a man may be, he won’t feel comfortable about these comparisons. Would you?

What you don’t sayWhat you don't say

Sometimes it’s not what you say, but what you don’t say that makes men feel insecure. When was the last time you gave your man a compliment or shown appreciation for being in a relationship with him? A few reassuring words can go a long way. Make him feel loved and appreciated, and he will feel less insecure. This is not only good for him, but it’s also good for the relationship.


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