If one person is on a downward path, and you’ve tried your best to help them but they continue to not help themselves and drag you down too, you should consider giving them space.
This not only prevents you from getting dragged down by the person, but it also may help them in waking them up to the fact that they will lose people around them if they continue on their path.
A very helpful metaphor to consider when it comes to a harmful relationship (any harmful relationship) is the metaphor of a drowning person and a lifeguard.
If a lifeguard approaches a drowning person who insists on panicking to the point that they would drown the lifeguard when they try to save them, the lifeguard is trained to keep their distance.
The lifeguard will try to calm the person down with words and through physical acts like shaking them. If it doesn’t work, they must stay away.
This may sound harsh, as without the lifeguard’s help the person will drown, but the alternative is both people drowning.
With broken romantic relationships, there is often a clear process in place for people to separate. This may mean signing papers, moving out of their shared house, and separating themselves socially from each other.
However, with broken friendships, the process is a little more complicated and often there is less of a clear way out.
Furthermore, what can be hardest about a friendship ending is knowing that it should end in the first place. It’s often unclear because it’s less dramatic than the end of a romantic relationship.
The question as to whether a friendship should end (or be faded out) is also complicated by the fact that friendships less commonly go so wrong that they can’t be fixed.
To a point, it is a question of value for the individual themselves. If loyalty means a lot to a person, they will probably go to great lengths to save a friendship.
On the other hand, for some people, friends and acquaintances are dispensable. For these people, friends come and go. They might be close to someone for a while until they move to a city for a new job and spend very little time looking back or feeling sad about the loss.
Other people may value their career so much that friendships that aren’t related to it are not a priority.
However, even though we are all different and have varying value sets, there are common features in a friendship that we should try to fix. If we can’t, then we’re better off ending the friendship for our own sake and the sake of the other person.
If a person is continuously dragging you down, complaining about the negative things, or focusing on the negatives of your personality, it may be time to talk.
It’s unrealistic to be positive all the time, and friends are great at waking us up to what we’re doing wrong, so this has to be considered on an individual basis.
If the behavior doesn’t stop after asking for a few times and you genuinely feel like they’re dragging you down, it may be a good idea to give them some space.
Another reason that someone might need space is when things don’t feel balanced and addressing it doesn’t change anything.
This could mean that one person is pouring time and effort into a relationship and is getting nothing back for it.\
No matter how close people are or how long they have known each other, there should be some form of balance where both people in a friendship feel like they are respected, valued, and of worth.
Honesty is huge in relationships. We need it to feel safe and secure. We need it when we inevitably wish to open up to people.
Enough dishonesty and you may begin to question the motives of someone. It would be naive to go through life thinking that everyone has everyone’s best interest in mind. People can be malicious.
If you share good news with a friend, are they happy to hear it? Do they try to play it down by telling you something good that happened to them or someone they know?
If you share bad news with a friend, do they empathize with you, or do they tell you how much of an idiot you are and that it was your fault?
A good friend should morally support you for the good things that you do in your life. For example, if you are striving to get healthy by exercising and stopping smoking, the last thing you need is someone encouraging you to smoke.
The people around you shouldn’t question your motives when you’re out attempting to do good in the world. However, working hard to achieve your goals can make people jealous.
Coming back to the point about balance, people who are exceptionally needy in the long run may not benefit your emotional state, as well as everything else.
In most cases, it won’t be an overnight process of letting go of a friend. We will need to have plenty of conversations explaining how we feel (and possibly asking them to change). It’s also not an easy process, but in some cases it has to be done.
