Despite what the old “base system” (first base, second base) might tell you, I’m of the stern belief that oral sex is more intimate than penetrative sex. It just is.

Oral sex may be considered “third base” — and full-blown sex a “home run” — but I say f*ck it. Third base is the most intense base of all.

As we all know, sex is a key player in a healthy relationship. Most couples have sex two or three times a week, on average. Keeping the passion alive is important when nurturing a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship.

When you’re having sex, everyone gets to have an orgasm if you’re doing it right. You need orgasms to keep things afloat. Human beings require physical satisfaction to have overall satisfaction, and sex serves everyone in that regard. The man or woman you’re with gets off, and so do you. No one is doing anyone any favors. Both of the people involved in this sex act are in it for themselves first.

This is not the case with oral sex. When you’re blowing a dude or going down on a woman, you’re doing it because you want that person to be pleasured. You want to provide an orgasm without anything in return. You’re not going to get off with a dick in your mouth and zero clitoral action; he’s not going to come with his head between your thighs. (But you will. You go, Glen Coco, you go).

I’ve been asked several times about the importance of oral sex. This is why I’m addressing these questions. I know that some people do not care for oral sex, but it really is critical in making relationships thrive.

I’m not saying that it’s not OK to be anti-oral. All relationships are different, and you should do whatever works for you as a couple. But if one of you loves it and one of you does not, you should probably work to find a middle ground so everyone can be happy and satisfied.

There is a subtle selflessness to oral sex that makes the act feel decidedly intimate. The intimacy and selflessness that is produced by oral sex is exactly what makes it so important in healthy relationships. This sexual act has a deeper meaning.

When you go down on your partner, you’re showing him or her your love. It is a physical manifestation of love. It is a sexual love letter.

I mean, I’m not about to sacrifice my own pleasure for some dude I don’t give two f*cks about. If I S his D when I know I’m not getting any in return, that means I really like him.

Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, tells Elite Daily that oral sex “is a true lesson and ‘test’ in being able to receive, as it’s intimate, vulnerable.”

This means you’re allowing yourself to be completely naked — literally and emotionally — with your partner. Whether you’re on the receiving or giving end of oral sex, you’re truly putting yourself out there and in the hands of your sexual partner.

You’re saying, “JUDGE ME. HERE I AM.”

It’s a nerve-wracking position to be in. It can be very intimidating if you don’t trust the other person. Really good oral sex happens when there is authentic faith between the two people involved.

In a way, oral sex is the sexual equivalent of emotional intimacy. The two are inextricably bound. Oral sex can even work to improve closeness in a relationship. It isn’t exactly couples therapy, but it can help to mend the rifts in your romance.

The selflessness and vulnerability of the act shows your partner how much you care.

Enjoying the act of giving and receiving oral sex is also a direct reflection of self-love. It’s about understanding that you deserve to be worshipped and adored in the bedroom.

Levine says:

“Many women and some men are concerned about their scent and taste. Oral sex is as much about feeling comfortable with your body, knowing you deserve the pleasure and being able to receive as it.”

As I’ve said countless times, communication is f*cking VITAL to healthy partnerships. You should be able to communicate your wants and desires with your partner. That means that you should feel confident enough to tell him or her what you want and what feels good to you.

Levine suggests being flat-out open and honest abut what you want, using your hands to mimic what you’d like your partner to do to your body. If you truly know that you deserve pleasure and that you are worthy of having your body worshipped like a goddamn temple, you go right ahead and say what you do and do not like.

We all deserve to get off, and it’s so important that we show our partners how much we love and care for them in every way we possibly can. Oral sex is a part of this and a vital element in a complete and fulfilling relationship