In a world where different aspects may be valued in a relationship and others left out, experts argue that three principles of passion, intimacy and commitment complete love and make it last. According to www.shape.com, the 1986 Robert J. Sternberg’s Triangular theory bases love on three things; intimacy, passion and commitment.Intimacy refers to feelings of closeness and bonding that one feels in the relationship. It is responsible for ‘the experience of warmth in a loving relationship’ as Sternburg puts it whereas passion is the representative of those feelings of attraction and arousal between partners, as well as the motivation to act on those urges.Commitment is the active choice to love a person over time and be able to maintain the love between partners.
According to Sternberg, if one or more of the three elements does not exist or is not cultivated, the relationship has less chance of succeeding.With this in mind, www.shape.com proposes seven types of love that can be experienced in a relationship, depending on which components are present:Liking: Liking is composed of intimacy alone and is characterized by true friendships that do not have passion or commitment.Infatuated love: Infatuated love is pure passion and may often be explained as that ‘love at first sight’ feeling, which is strong but fleeting without commitment or intimacy.Empty love: Empty love, which is one of pure commitment, can be the result of a love that has deteriorated over time. While the commitment is still there, intimacy and passion no longer exist.
Romantic love: With romantic love comes both passion and intimacy. There is a deep emotional bond and feelings of attraction, but no commitment. Compassionate love: Compassionate love is the type of love that lacks passion but is strong in the other two elements. It can sometimes result from a long relationship, where intimacy and commitment are there but the passion has dissipated.Fatuous love: Although fatuous love is made up of passion and commitment, it lacks intimacy. In fact, the passion part is what drives this sort of love.Consummate love:
According to Sternberg, this is the love that has it all; intimacy, passion, and commitment. But it is a love that needs effort because while it can be achieved, it does not mean it will endure if the two partners do not work on making their consummate love last.Other important elements Hellen Kataike, a marriage counsellor, says there are many other necessary elements that help a relationship succeed and these include shared values, mutual respect, healthy and regular communication as well as compassion.Rachel Apio and Mark Okot’s marriage thrives on passion, intimacy, and unwavering commitment.
Their journey unfolds as a living testament to the vital roles these elements play in nurturing a growing and enduring relationship. They describe their courtship as the foundation that grew their passion.“Passion is the element that transforms a mere acquaintance into a profound connection. It is also the spark that ignites the flame of love. It is not just about chemistry but the ongoing exploration of each other’s desires and dreams,” Kataike says.Intimacy For Rachel and Mark, true intimacy means sharing vulnerabilities, dreams and fears, something that intertwines their personalities, stories and strengthens the fabric of their love. Kataike advocates for the importance of intimacy beyond the physical realm.“Intimacy is not just about proximity; it is about allowing someone to witness your innermost self.
It is being emotionally close and the ability to be authentically seen and heard, fostering a connection that transcends the physical,” she adds.CommitmentKataike highlights the transformative power of commitment as the daily choice to prioritise your partner and the relationship, which in the end causes a couple to build the foundation for a lasting relationship.Rachel and Mark’s commitment was not just a promise made in the early days, it was a continuous decision to weather storms together, to celebrate victories and to build a shared future.“Commitment is the compass that guides a relationship.
It is the shared journey, mutual investments and the decision to choose each other every day,” Kataike emphasises. On Takeaway However, we should always note that the balance among Sternberg’s three aspects of love is likely to shift through the course of a relationship. A strong dose of all three components-found in consummate love-typifies, for many of us, an ideal relationship. However, time alone does not cause intimacy, passion and commitment to occur and grow. Knowing about these components of love, may help couples avoid pitfalls in their relationship, work on the areas that need improvement or help them recognise when it might be time for a relationship to come to an end.
